“Domestic Abuse Is Not Just Physical, It Is Also Mental And Psychological” – Stella Damascus Opens Up On Emotional Abuse

• Ayo AL
• December 4, 2017
• News
• Stella Damascus Opens Up On Her Experience Abuse, Stella Damascus Opens Up On Her Experience Psychological Abuse, Stella Damascus Opens Up On Her Experience With Psychological Abuse, Stella Damascus Talks About Psychological Abuse
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Veteran Nollywood actress, Stella Damascus has opened up about her past experiences with psychological and emotional abuse.

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The actress in a post which she posted on her blog, StellaDamascusBlog shared how bitter and broken she was when she was dealing with abuse from her ex boyfriend whom she dated in 2009.

In her blogpost titled Stripping Myself Naked, she explained that domestic violence doesn’t have to be physical. In her case, it was mental and psychological and she says sometimes that can be worse.

We have some excerpt below

On dating an abuser

I remember one day in 2009, I had just signed a contract with a new management company and they sent their marketing manager to take pictures of me so that they could build a press kit and other materials for work.

The man I was dating at the time was in my house for a visit, and we were both in the living room when the marketing manager came in. As he entered we exchanged pleasantries and I introduced him to my boyfriend who gave him the most arrogant and disgusting look ever. The marketing manager brought out his hand to shake him but my boyfriend walked away and didn’t even acknowledge his presence.

I apologized to the guy who was really shocked as he was sure they had never met. He was so confused and had to ask me if he did something wrong. I was highly embarrassed but had to quickly change the subject as usual.

I say as usual because it was becoming a trend with my boyfriend.
I knew how arrogant my boyfriend could be but I didn’t think it would be that bad.

On what happened afterwards

Anyway, I went upstairs to meet the glam squad in my dressing room so they could do their magic. When I was done, I got dressed and foolishly went to my boyfriend in the other room so he could see how beautiful I looked and maybe get a compliment. Instead, he looked at me and started calling me all sorts of names. I cannot even begin to mention the names I was called.

Now, you may read this and wonder why he would call me names without provocation. That is how the mind of an abuser works. They don’t need provocation to abuse you. They just want to show and boost their power over you.

To those who have never experienced emotional and mental abuse, this is absurd.

On deciding to leave the relationship

When I went back upstairs, my boyfriend was waiting to continue the insults. At this point, I knew I had to be strong. So, I told him that if he felt he was too good for me, he should get the HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE.
He didn’t believe how serious I was until I started yelling.

He threatened to hit me and I told him he would spend the rest of his life in Jail and I would spend all my money making sure he was tortured every day.
He looked me in the eye and saw how serious I was. That was when he knelt down and started begging.

He apologized and said he didn’t know what came over him and that he needed help. I looked away but he continued and told me how everyone else had given up on trying to help him.

On being deceived and taking him back

You would think that after all this I would end it once and for all but unfortunately, I took him back.

Before you start passing judgment, remember that when your weakness is attacked and your support system is not there anymore, you feel alone and helpless.

It’s not a choice you willingly make, it is as a result of the psychological abuse. There are very very few women who go through this and come out sane.

Imagine being with someone who constantly makes you feel less than you are. Who puts all the negative stuff in your face and starts to make you look at yourself differently. After a while, you begin to believe his lies and doubt your truth.

On realizing and understanding the depth of psychological abuse

That was when I realized that domestic abuse is not just physical. It is also mental and psychological which are worse sometimes. With the physical you know where the bruises are and can treat them.

Unfortunately, with the mental, you become a slave to your own mind which is controlled by the abuser. He makes it seem like it’s your fault and at the same time makes you feel he needs you.

On her thoughts about advocating for domestic violence

16 Days in a year is not enough to advocate for domestic violence.
We need to do this all year round and record the progress we are making.
We need to let women especially the African woman know what her rights are and that she has a right to report cases like this.

She needs to know that she has a support system who will help her through the pain and hurt she is left with.

We need to make sure that the law is enforced on the abusers.
We need to educate women and let them know that a man has NO right to hit them just because he is their husband.

We need to help the women educate their daughters as well.
We need to reach out to the community leaders and make them see why they should help put an end to this.

No one knows what you are going through because they don’t see the scars. Even when you tell them, they trivialize it because you can’t show proof. So you suffer in silence and pain. When you discuss it with people who you believe can help, the first question they ask you is “why don’t you just leave him?”.
Friends and family who are not qualified psychologists and therapists are not equipped to handle mental and psychological abuse.