A mistress often referred to as the ‘Side Chick’ in Nigeria is the other woman in your man’s life.
The truth is that in Nigeria, mistresses and side chicks are considered normal as every man is expected to cheat and this sometimes makes it hard for women to confront their partners.
In fact, it is now easier for a camel to pass through a needle than to find a man who doesn’t have a side chick.
It’s however not okay to overlook any illegal affair by your husband as he owes his loyalty to you and has a legal obligation to uphold so he should be confronted about straying from his marital vows.
Infidelity doesn’t always mean that marriage and relationship has to end as it may be possible to salvage it and get it back on track in the aftermath of an affair.
If your partner has cheated on you, the steps below will help you lay the groundwork for saving your relationship or marriage without sacrificing your dignity or self-respect.
1. Get a grip on your emotions
You could wonder if you should confront her or sort it out with your man quietly at home? Or maybe you should give her a call just to let her know who she is messing with.
Give yourself a few hours or a few days – whatever you need to get your emotions under control as if you react on the spur of the moment, you might say or do something you will later regret. Think before you act. Then proceed with a well-thought-out plan.
2. Get the facts straight
Who is this other woman? She might be a friend who gives him great companionship or just some random lady. Also, before you go blaming another woman for your husband’s affair, make sure you know what really happened. A guilty spouse may be very eager to pin the blame for his error on the other party, whether he initiated the relationship or she did. Keep in mind that he may have lied to her or misrepresented the facts of his availability and marital circumstances.
3. Subtly confront him with the proof about his affair
Confront him with whatever proof you’ve obtained that he is, or has been cheating, and tell him you know about the affair. Notice that I said: tell him you know. Do not ask him if he’s cheating – it will only encourage him to lie. This means you must already have solid proof of his affair.
4. Express your displeasure
Don’t beat around the bush. Let him know that you will not tolerate his affair. Make it clear to him, in no uncertain terms that what he’s doing is not okay and that you want it to stop.Insist that he ends the affair immediately. Be very clear that you expect him to have no further contact with his mistress. He should cut off ALL communication with her. No contact means exactly that – no contact – no e-mails, phone calls, no text messages, no personal visits with the Other Woman.
5. Let him know what will happen if he doesn’t end the affair, or if he cheats on you again
Make sure he knows there will be serious consequences if he ever has another affair. And be prepared to follow through. Meanwhile, get legal and financial advice so you’ll know what your options are, if the cheating should occur again.
6. Make him earn your forgiveness
Let him know that you are willing to forgive him, but that forgiveness will not be handed to him on a platter of Gold. Make sure your he understands that he needs to earn your trust and your forgiveness by his words and deeds from this point on. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for infidelity to happen again.
7. Seek professional counselling
Studies indicate that couples who seek professional counselling are much more likely to stay together. If you cannot afford counselling, invest in one or more books on surviving infidelity and read them together.
Focus on yourself and your relationship. Remember that the other woman doesn’t have to win. Believing that side chicks are winning comes from the same school of thought that all the good men are taken. And that is not true because some people still marry good men.