Improve Your Relationship With Your Mother In Law In These 5 Ways

1. Remember that your gain can feel like her loss

Try to practice empathy with your future mother-in-law. While you are most definitely excited about the beginning of this new phase of life with her son, for your MIL, this new phase can serve as a reminder that her “baby” is no longer a baby and all of the complicated feelings that go along with that.

It may stir up resentments, feelings of getting old, anxiety about their continual relevance in their child’s life, fear of you shutting them out, and a feeling of being “replaced.”. Even if these things are irrational, when you feel that your MIL is attempting to assert herself in ways that push your nerves, take a moment to remember that it is likely less personal to you than it is personal to her. Empathy can only diffuse a situation as you remember that this woman is less of an opponent than you in another 25–30 years.

2. When discussing your MIL grievances with your husband, stick to behaviors, not character assessments

MILs can bring out the most defensive instincts in us women!  A new layer of frustration can build up when you feel that your partner refuses to see who their mothers are for who they are.

Don’t introduce your issues with “As usual, your manipulative mother is trying to have her say in the curtain colours.” Instead, tackle the behavior at hand: “I found out today that your mother went behind our back and bought different colors and designs for the curtains. I find that behavior unacceptable since it wasn’t her choice to make, but she did it secretly. How should we address this?”

3. Don’t pick fights, but stand up for yourself

 You are a grown woman; after all, you are old enough to be married, right? It is normal and natural to have your own way of doing things, from little things like laundry to big things like celebrating the Easter holiday.

You are entitled to and should stick up for yourself and your way of doing things once you feel your choices are being diminished verbally or bullied behaviorally. It’s important to feel comfortable with how you want to raise your kids or if you want to go to church on Christmas Eve because then you will be able to verbalize your way of doing things and not “fold” under pressure.

4. If you feel aggrieved, don’t let incidents sit

If your MIL knows that she can get away with insulting you (whether openly or otherwise) and get away with it, she will do it more often. Once she does something you are not comfortable with, instead of sulking around the house or making rude comments about her, find a way to gently broach the subject with her and let her know how you feel.

5. When frustrated, rest in gratitude

Even in the most vexing situations, you should always remember that you and your MIL share one great thing in common — a love for the person you married.

It is hardly likely that is the only thing you share, but in those moments when it seems you hate even the hair she breathes, rest in gratitude that this woman birthed the person you LOVE! And then remember that the person you love would be crushed if you and his mother had a bad fallout.

Remember, your relationship with your mother-in-law is going to last a long, long time. The more you can do to make it blossom, the better for you and everyone involved!

ALSO READ: 5 Subtle Signs That Tell If Your In-Laws Don’t Like You