Given the alarming rate of divorce in recent times, one of the best things you can do to help save your marriage before it begins is premarital counselling.
Couples that have ties with a specific church or those that want to be married within the walls of a church are often required by the minister or pastor to receive counselling before he or she agrees to officiate the ceremony.
Premarital counselling is one of the greatest investments you can make in your future marriage as studies suggest that couples that choose to receive counselling have lower divorce rates than those that do not. Whether or not you are concerned about conflict or family as you enter marriage, having counselling before the wedding can result in huge payoffs for the future of your relationship.
Here are some important reasons why you should:
1. Helps Address Issues
Couples who attend premarital counselling have the opportunity to discuss issues that most couples argue about and most often lead to divorce or separation. Marriage counselling can help you address hot issues before they arise and assist you in discovering what the other person believes about the issue so that you may come to an agreement before you walk down the aisle.
For example, you may discuss what religion you will raise your future children or talk about what you will do if in-laws try to interfere. Having a plan of action on how you will handle serious issues can help you prevent altercations later.
In counselling, you will also address the main issues that are currently affecting your relationship. Little problems can turn into major arguments if they are given a chance to fester. Counselling can help you work through any negative feelings before they turn into something bigger.
2. To Create Intentional Time Before the Wedding
You may have a million things on your mind leading up to the wedding. Wedding details, finances, moving, parties, and family expectations fill your mind in the days leading up to the big celebration. But what about the most important part of this big occasion: the relationship?
Not enough couples slow down to give their relationship the time and energy it deserves before making the biggest commitment of their lives. In fact, less than 25% of all couples do some kind of marriage preparation in the lead-up to the big day. As you consider your wedding budget and prioritize where your money should be spent, remember that the best way to bless the guests at your wedding is by investing in the life of your marriage.
3. Communicate Effectively
Communication is the key to maintaining good ties between couples as they evolve. People change as they grow older, and they change even within a relationship. With change comes different perspectives, expectations, and needs. It’s vital then to communicate to your other half the changes you are experiencing and going through and vice versa. This helps both of you adapt to change and evolve together in the relationship, building stronger bonds as you go along.
4. Defining Values
Everyone has different values and these values dictate the way we think and see our lives. Sometimes two people can share the same values but this doesn’t mean that they can see eye to eye on every matter.
Defining your values clearly will help you decide on which ones are important to both of you, and values you hope to instill in your children in the future if you have any. Pre-wedding counsellors will help you discover what your values are and what they mean within the context of your relationship and future married life.
5. To Understand the Combining of Two Families
One of the most challenging parts of marriage can be the combining of two families. Whether you love them or they drive you crazy, your relationship with your family will inevitably impact your relationship with your spouse. Questions such as “How do you view money?
What do you do for Christmas? How many kids do you want?” will all lead back to your family of origin. Some people act a certain way in marriage because they are trying not to be like their family, while others are trying to copy what they saw growing up.
Either way, marriage involves the combining of two separate families into one. This is why it is crucial to explore your family background, your relationship with relatives, and your vision for moving forward.
6. Discover Something New
Premarital therapy sessions will give you the opportunity to discuss things that do not come up in normal conversations, such as hurtful past experiences, sex, and expectations. Too often, we think we know our spouse well, but we may not learn of past abuse or how the person expects the marriage to be.
The relationship your spouse has with your in-laws will usually reflect on how your children will be disciplined and treated, so pay attention to other relationships and if the person suffered from abuse as a child or young adult.